Finding balance

Rough day. I am burnt out - sick of plugging away, hour after hour. Sick of logging weekends holed up indoors, sick of running my gears, spinning my wheels, and wondering if any of it will yield any benefit to anyone, if any of it is worth it. Sure, it's all a great learning experience, a great intellectual activity - but does anyone benefit? Will the Earth benefit? What am I doing all this work (my masters thesis) for again?

We watched a movie the other day - a Japanese anime flick called Princess Mononoke - which captures some of the complexity of environmentalism in a way that I have not seen in Western films. That is to say, it recognizes that there can be good in those destroying nature, that there are trade-offs to be made between the welfare of people and the environment, and it seems to, rather than champion the people or champion the environment, call for balance and non-violence, and ask the people to back off a bit to regain this balance. Balance. It got me thinking about how little balance there is on any side of this issue (global warming). Even with potential solutions - biofuels for example - proponents push them to the extreme, rather than letting them fill a niche where they make sense - finding balance. People and issues are polarized. Another word for balance is equilibrium. We (humans) are out of equilibrium - pushing both our consumption and our population well beyond a point that the Earth can sustain. And we are all encouraged to take sides, but perhaps what we need to work towards is a philosophy of balance rather than one specific solution or another - everything in moderation, the golden mean - and to recognize that we are taking more than our fair share.

In yoga class the other day, my teacher talked about the philosophy of non-violence, another word for which is "love," telling us not to push ourselves too hard, or we defeat the purpose of the practice. If we can practice non-violence - love - towards ourselves, we can begin to practice it towards the world. She was talking specifically about yoga, but her words apply to my entire life. I have not been practicing "non-violence" or "love" towards myself, of late. The incessant deadlines, late nights, the stress, the perfectionism, the ever-expanding work week - this is not love. For both my sanity and to improve the impact and benefit of my work, I need to strive to find a place of balance, to practice "non-violence," and let my work come from there.

This is a global issue, as well as a personal one. To strive towards a cultural and natural equilibrium, we must strive for equilibrium within ourselves. To strive towards a culture of non-violence and love, we must start with our own lives.

I'm going to go do some yoga.